Few days ago, a new friend visited my office and his verdict was: I am highly popular! Which is weird because I am not actually popular in numbers LOL. I met him a week ago and within a week, he had experienced all parts of my three personalities; as Founder of ISOKO Africa, as a Yoga teacher and a Corporate Professional. As we walked through the office to the restaurant and seeing him off, he analysed that at least 1 out of every 3 persons that passed knew me from colleagues to random strangers. Hell! Even the Police and Security were frantically waving.
This is not an article to "hoot my toot" but I thought to share basic tips on maintaining a charming personality which is different from being popular. I was not always charming. As a teen, I had self-esteem issues which I learned to conquer with time but never recognised that my true personality could be charming. The truth is;
Everyone should be Charming
Being charming is simple and I think I know 5 things about how to remain Charming as Pomp!
- SMILE THROUGH YOUR EYES: I am not talking about the thing you do when you're flirting because that has an ulterior motive. When you walk around and see people (you don't have to know them personally), smile through your eyes genuinely. When I see people, I look for something on them that I could like. I also don't leave them without a compliment on either their dress or hair pin. If I have nothing to like, I try constructive criticisms like "Hey! That dress looks lovely! If it came in Blue, then all the men, even I, would fall hopelessly in love with you!" That person is bound to blush & if they are smart enough, they recognise you just told them that bright or blue colours fit them most. But remember, never lie about your emotions. If you feel low, don't pretend to be nice. People can tell when you're faking it. If people around you know you to be lovely, they are bound to recognise your downcast mood when you're not smiling. It also helps you to discover those that care about you.
- CONFIDENCE & HUMBLE ARE DIFFERENT THINGS: Don't play yourself. Accepting a compliment or a pleasant tease does not mean you are not humble. For example, someone walks up to you and say "Hello Globe Trotter! I love your style and wanna be like you!" There are three elements in this phrase; a pleasant tease, a compliment & an unreasonable remark. I would reply "Hey! Thank you for confirming my dreams coz yeh, I'll soon become a Globe Trotter but you can't be like me. Your style is just as amazing! Don't lose it". I have not exhibited pride but confidence in who I am by accepting the compliment but thereby maintaining humility. Plus, yeah no one can ever be like you! It's just 1 of you in this lifetime ;) Stop saying "Me? I am not a Globetrotter oh! Stop teasing me!" YUCK! That's not humble... it's Crappy Self-esteem!
- READ YOUR PASSION: Crap to the Myth about reading hardcore, sense-making, ideology-bullshitting, formula-coughing, biography-boring books. If those books rock your boat, read it. If drama & fantasy novels rock your boat, be proud of it. We all have those books that we think would make us look good but actually hate reading! My point is, what matters is how you read the book. A person could read an inspirational book and yet learn nothing while another person could read a book about love, learn its systems and help lots of people to understand how romance works. Remember, be comfortable with what you read but never forget to understand the mechanisms behind what you read.
- LOVE YOURSELF FIERCELY: 999,999 out of every million people hate themselves. The population of the world that truly love themselves can fit inside the eye of a needle. People go around seeking for love to wash off on them because it's simply a commodity you cannot buy. However, hateful people want to feel good about themselves knowing they are not alone in the hate clan so they tend to tear you down first but the fierce ones that strongly proclaim self-love, end up becoming role models to look up to.
- SUBSTANCE & INCLUSION IS KEY: Learn the art of actually connecting with people individually. Ask yourself, for example, if you had to raise a GoFundMe page today to raise cash for a new project, how many of your thousand followers actually care about you to donate? Exactly. They would make it popular by sharing but hardly a 100th of them would give. People tend to invest in people, not the really the cause. The more you can humanise a cause, the better chances of people investing in it. So learn to create inclusion and substance in your interactions. Start with their birthdays, to a new promotion, or following up on an issue that is important to them, or sharing an uplifting nugget/quote with a personal note to them, give full hugs & linger a second to converse with them, introduce them to your friends, even if you can't call occasionally, put up their images to tell the world how proud you are of them, know about their projects & tell everyone about it, find an angle on how you can work together or just buy their product or support their event even if its just once. That is the true meaning of social capital. Learn to be included in people's life.
The downside of being exceptionally charming is that you tend to look for the positive traits in people & see them for who they truly are and vice versa which tends to spark up butterfly feelings. Sometimes, when I begin to feel this way, I mutter to myself "You're such a people whore!" & remind myself to stay focused. But this would happen rarely if you learn to keep everyone on your radar and manage them lovingly. The best way to cure this is Cross Networking. After few months of meeting gorgeous & amazing people, I host a hangout/cookout where I bring everyone together and help them get comfortable enough to network.
During these sessions, people fall in love, start up new businesses, partner on projects and make new friends. There are weak personalities who tend to fall prey to the cunning ones by succumbing to their demands thinking you set them up but that's a post for another day. What you have successfully achieved is create a cross-dimensional mechanism where you become a point of reference within different clusters of people bringing you more charming points, referrals and credibility.
Stop expecting reactions from people. You're not Physics! Think of yourself as Jollof Rice!
Most of all, be very clear about your purpose. If you mention Tope Hassan, everyone would shout "AFRICA!"
kindly drop a comment below & share on your social media platforms!